"Synthesis Lament"
(to the tune of "I Could Have Danced All Night")

I cannot synthesize, I cannot synthesize,
No matter how I try.
I cannot make those things with all those bonds and rings
It makes me want to cry.
I cannot learn those stupid condensations
The aldol and the Friedel Crafts,
I only know when (s)he says, "start with carbons three,"
I always fall down on my ass.

I really hate O-Chem, I am not one of them,
That is just how I feel.
IR spectroscopy, it is too hard for me
To see a carbonyl.
I'm overwhelmed by all those mechanisms,
The SN2, is that two steps or one?
I only know when pros begin to push arrows
I wind up thinking that I'm dumb.

by David Reingold
Juniata College